Sunday, August 16, 2009

Moving into my own place :)

I have made the jump to hosting my blog.
I am not really sure anyone reads this, but if you do and you want to keep up with what is going in you can find me at:

I also imported all my old posts from unsimpleprocreation. It was sooooo easy to convert to wordpress. Now I just need to come up with a new look for the blog.

Also, I have launched as a gateway to me on the web.
I am using it as a mechanism to learn more regarding web development and design.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

we can do anything

I think because I am the youngest of nine children I have always felt like the young one. From birth to now I had been in situations where I was the younger person around. Even after I graduated from school I lived in a convent where most of the nuns were over the age of 60. And then I moved in with my sister Barbie, of course I was the baby again. And at work for a long time I was one of the younger workers.

Then Nadie and I tied the knot. And, we bought a house, and all that adult stuff.

And, at work there are younger ones filtering in. It is interesting to be in the process of becoming one of the older ones.

And I don't think I ever felt older than when Zoe was born. I don't mean physically. I am still young and able and fit. I just mean these new roles - this new person - this whole darn thing called life - sometimes it just takes your breath away. It is scary and exciting and sad and fun all at once.

A co-worker has said a few times that I seem like I have finally found peace and security in myself. I don't know if that is true - but I am content.

It is hard not to be completely in awe of the life that grows and changes every day. I suppose it is my life as well as Ms. Zerker. It is Nadie's life too. We three are growing and changing every day. We can do anything if we want to....

We are growing and changing every day too....
this is my favorite song right now - and it is Nadie's new ring tone...

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Random Tidbits

  • I have yet to mention (over three months ago) I got an iPhone for Mothers Day. It very quickly became a part of me. I dropped my work blackberry like last weeks girlfriend. So anyways - the coolest part? Nadie bought it the day before mothers day. OK, Mr. McCrastinater...but yet....they came out with a new model around a month later. And LOW AND BEHOLD they allowed anyone who bought the 3G from May 9th on to upgrade for a $20 fee. So yeah...I got the 3GS - it is most excellent. Videos on the fly uploaded to Youtube - not getting shafted by the big fruit company with a newer model right after purchase...oh the delight! And now I really have gotten rid of my work cell and my work is gonna chip in on the bill. Oh the glory!

  • We have been talking about getting rid of cable tv for a long time. We finally did it. We are now watching TV via a digital antenna. We only have one. It is actually kind of nice. There was one day when the clouds were interferring, but for the most part it is very hard to tell any difference. And it is FREE! Woo hoo!I have watched a few shows on hulu. We did NOT get rid of the broadband. We are thinking of switching to a DSL provider. We haven't figured out what we need to do to get our projector up and running on HD from the airways without a cable box, something we must do before the NFL season starts. And we will miss Monday Night Football, the swammie on ESPN. I will also miss Top Chef, Project Runway and various other cable shows. In the long run, though, I am so glad. I am tired of always having the media guide me on how to live my life. At least with the internet I am able to choose my own adventure more freely. I guess. Anyways we got rid of cable

  • Zoe is growing so big. OMG - she is getting so big. So long. So strong. So blessed.

  • Work is going ok. I have impossible deadlines, but on the other hand I help determine what is 'ready' so if the date comes too soon, whatever is complete is complete. My boss has said a few times, 'Are you stressed?' Personally...I find it a bit more stressful just being all the roles I am to be, than just this one aspect. I have resigned to a Zen feeling about it, and I know there is no reason to be freaked out. I will have the project at the best point that I can get it to and the rest is out of my control. Sometimes I think the business world thinks it controls much more of what actually happens than it does. What I mean by that is that you can make a project plan and assign hours and priorities and goals, but there is always the unforeseen, and then again there are the ridiculous goals that would never have been met in the first place...God made the world in seven days - but it takes more than three months to build a new, way cool, totally awesome product....oh but we try! and how cool it is to build new, way cool, totally awesome products...

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Sunbeams and Roller Coasters

The Zerker has decided that rolling is way cooler than the Segue as a mode of transportation.

She also spent a good five minutes staring at patterns the sun made on the floor of the office on Friday. I thought it was amazing. She was so intrigued by the shadows. I wondered if she understood what was causing them or that she had the ability to manipulate the shadows. It reminded me of a For Better or Worse column where the little baby is staring at a sunbeam and the Mom says 'And I thought it was just dust.'

She sat on the grass while we threw the ball into the pond for the dogs. She managed to get scratches on her face. Lets just say she won't sit directly on the grass very often. She was just fine, really, it was just a little scratch from the grass. Who gets scratched by grass anyways? What a dork! Why do babies mark so easily? Oh maybe it has something to do with the fact that SHE WAS JUST BORN THIS YEAR! It will be gone by tomorrow. I did get some adorable pictures though....

Monday, July 20, 2009

Perfect Moment Monday - Sleep and Green Tomatoes

I haven't done this in a and life with an infant and husband have swallowed me up! But here goes....

Perfect Moment Monday isn't about creating perfect moments, but about noticing them. Head over to Weebles Wobble to see more perfect moments.

Saturday morning I had fed the zerker at 3am and 6am. By 7am I pulled her into our bed. She always falls right back to sleep if she is touching some part of me. So we went back to sleep and the next I knew it was 9am.

The Zerker and Nadie were still peacefully snoozing, so I crept downstairs, let the dogs out, fed the cats, made some coffee and fixed up my first batch of fried green tomatoes of the season....yum!

(This is a picture I found - not one I took - they weren't THAT pretty - but I forgot to take a picture and they were soooooo good!)

Of course, I got the oil a little too hot and smoked out the house - but it was a really cool day so I could air it out pretty quickly...and by the time I got done making them, Nadie was trotting downstairs with the Zerker.

It was perfect.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Growth Charts

Zoe is right on track, hovering in the 50th percentile in weight....

And 75th percentile in length....

Her head is in the 50th percentile too, but I don't have a visualization for that....

She got her 6mos shots today. She is on antibiotics again, her ear is infected again and she has a lingering cough. The good thing is that she is such a trouper. She really doesn't act that much different when she is sick. I wish all the people I am around were so congenial when they were sick! :)

At least she has normal poo now, and she is allowed to move to solid foods!

These graphs were done for free on a birthcare website I found....
Have a fantastic day, y'all!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Zerker Quarterly Review Q2 - 6 Months

This is a little late - but I think it is pretty normal for a quarterly review to take some time to prepare....
Zerker was born on 01/09...

Age: 6 Months

Physical Output:
Still smiles all the time - but only if her belly is full :)
Sits up all by herself
Rolls over front to back and back to front
Picks out her toys purposefully
Especially enjoys Flutter her butterfly and Jangles the Giraffe
Loves to stand with support

Verbal Output:
but now is a crazy giggler when tickled
even laughs at Mommy when Mommy dances in the store or makes funny faces
babbles on and on
we think she is ready to say Ohma and Ahda (momma and daddy)

Notable Events:
her bff DeLaney was born
Went to Cubs game in Chicago
Had her first ear infection
first round of antibiotics
first projectile vomitting
first flu
went to daycare
flew on an airplane
went to Florida
played on the beach
swam in a pool
was in the newspaper

Sleep Progression:
Still wants one bottle a night - ugh
Just moved to her crib - but slept in the bassinet most nights before
Prefers sleeping on her side

Edible Input:
eats 4 - 6 ozs at a time - but just at 6 mos is wanting 6 oz all the time
has solid food for dinner - likes peas, carrots, sweet potatos, not as fond of bananas or sweeter foods

Diaper Size: 2

Length: will find out this friday at the docs
Weight: around 16 lbs
# Teeth - Two!!!!!!!!!!!

We are so blessed to have her, it is so wonderful to watch her grow....

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

mental note

I was thinking a lot about interactions that I have with certain people.

Typically these people are older than me. They are amazing and intelligent people. Yet, I am always getting the feeling that they need you to practically fawn over them for them to share their knowledge.

It is like I don't deserve their input unless I worship them first.

Can't we both just be adults? Can you accept that I appreciate your experience and wisdom (I wouldn't be asking you for input if I didn't) without all that extra fluff? And, please don't be rude to me if I choose not to do the worship thing!

I have enough on my hands maintaining my own weak self-esteem, I don't really have to bolster yours too, do I?

I hope in 20 years I am more adjusted than you are now. (Actually I think I just might already be...)

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Sickness runs amok have been really bad at posting...
work is really keeping me busy...i have this super big project that I had to have pretty much spec'ed out before my vacation and it has been taking my focus and creativity...

Our vacation starts on Friday! We can't WAIT! We are flying to south FL - Gulf side - to stay at a resort my seester manages...
Well I can sort of wait - because
How do you pack for a 6 month old baby? Just how much money am I going to be spending in checked baggage? We couldn't drive - the Zerker HATES being in the car too long unless she falls asleep....My cousin lives down there and a friend of hers is letting us borrow a stroller. We have to check the car seat...and the rest we will just wing...Zerker is pretty good at sitting without the boppy, she can sleep in her carseat or we can set up pillows around her on the floor...or I could rent a pack n play - or I could buy one on craigslist...

Oh and there is the fact that, um, I haven't been able to eat anything but chicken broth and ice cream since Saturday. My throat feels like it got stuck in a garbage disposal, and my fever finally left....I am on antibiotics and I think it will pass - but darn I really want to be totally well for our vacation...nadie doesn't have any more vacation days left because of the week zerker was born...

Oh and the Zerker had her first ear infection and was on antibiotics

Oh and she got her first tooth.

Oh and she is eating solid foods.
All of this happening when my new job is going full force...
Um...can you say crazy life?

ouch - not gonnna say anything...

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

5 Months

She already looooved her feet....guess what she realized she can do now?

The Zerker is five months old today. She celebrated by sucking on her toes. And, of course, she practiced vocalizing (shrieking) as loud and high as she could. :)

She started at the daycare yesterday. She seems to like it. And, it seems to really wear her out. She comes home, needs a nap (even though she has had her daily naps - and usually has eaten), has a few pleasant hours and is ready for bed.

She is amazing...All is well....

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Wishing I could Freeze Frame....

It has been a month and I haven't written one post.
I go through these phases, from one extreme to the next sometime, I guess.
And while I have been keeping up on my friends blogs (maybe not commenting as much), I think I bit off a bit more than I could chew with my google reader and I just can't keep up. Argh! You mean I can't raise a 4.5 month old baby, work full time, manage a household, do fun things with my family on the weekends AND ready 200+ regular bloggers? Nope - I guess I exceeded my limitations.

Sooooo much has been happening over the past month.
I have tons of re-caps....

4 month old well baby visit and immunizations. Zoe was super healthy and growing like a weed. 75th percentile in height, 60th in weight and 50th in head size....reaching beyond expectation in strength and capability...

Zoe had her first sicky. :( She still is a little congested. She was never full on sick and never needed to go to the doctor, but she got her first cough from her daddy and got congested. She never seemed fussy about it.

We went to Chicago for a cubs game a few weekends ago. The in-laws were in town and came with us. Zoe got to meet her grandpa(daddy side) for the first time. Zoe was a trouper and we had a great time with the BEST pizza from Gino's East. Last year we had Giradanos and Ginos was just sooo much better for some reason.

Zoe visited the woods twice. She met my good friend Rosa.

My sister sang the National Anthem at the Indianapolis 500 race this past sunday. Nadie and I got to go to the race with my family. My cousin watched the Zerker. We had a great time, but I missed my baby.

This past week the Zerker seems to be teething very hard. Friday was the fussiest day of her life...I hate to see her in pain. I can feel teeth poking through, but I feel like there is very little I can do. I give her cool teething rings, frozen wash cloths, anything to get her through the worst of it.

In sad news, Zerker's awesome caregiver on the days of the week that I go into the office has some other important priorities that mean that she can't watch her anymore. We visited the daycare and made a deposit. Their are pros and cons to it. It is much closer to our house. It will give her a chance to socialize with other babies. But, it felt a lot more institutional than I would prefer. She will be exposed to a lot more germs. We have to get special Drs orders to keep her on the same formula. We tried her out on the kind that they give in the daycare and it seemed really make her tummy hurt. She will not get so much individual care. We can always switch to a different place or a home care if it doesn't work.

She is getting SOOO big and SOOO strong. She can sit up by herself for several seconds now. She is trying new things out all the time. I am so impressed with her. She has gone to two baseball games (one was a minor league) and managed really well.

I love her so much it hurts. I saw my niece Bree graduate last weekend. It was sort of surreal. Bree was the first baby that I was around and babysat. The years fly and I am so scared that I will blink and it will be the Zerker in a cap and gown. On the otherhand...I am loving watching her grow and learn...So happy...

Thursday, April 30, 2009


The weekend before last we visited my lovely alma mater. It was dreary outside, but Providence was at work - because lots of people that I really wanted to expose the Zerker to were there....

The E in Zerker comes from a very special person.
One of those people you meet and you are blown away.

When I was a wee one of 18 I visited SMWC. The first teacher I met, the first Sister of Providence I met, the first real person of my beloved college was Ellen.

And over the next four years we formed a wonderful bond.

She became my academic advisor, professor, work study supervisor, and most importantly, friend. You know when you go through that phase and you don't connect with your parents anymore? She was the one mentor I connected to then that I knew woud love me no matter what. I feel like I learned about unconditional love from her.

And through the years we have maintained that friendship.
Of course, we don't have the time to sit in her office and wax poetically about my latest college girl frustration, we do keep in touch. She was my 'Sister Companion' on my journey to become a Providence Associate.

I cannot express how much it means to me that she has made herself so available to me on this journey. She is the definition of why you designate a namesake.

(oh and this summer...she celebrates her Golden Jubilee...50 years devoted to Providence...amazing....)

All I Need is Everything

Monday, April 27, 2009

Perfect Moment Monday - Cataract Falls

Lori says that Perfect Moment Monday is not about creating moments, but noticing them.

Sometimes, though, I can feel these moments being created...not intentionally...or even by me...I did not make the sun shine this weekend...I only saw that it was coming and took advantage of the situation...

So this weekend Nadie and I took the Zerker to Cataract Falls. I love going here because it is simple beauty. It is not part of a large park, and there are only a few things to do there. There is just enough to fill a Saturday afternoon.....

We ate a picnic lunch.

Looked at the big waterfall.

Looked at the Covered Bridge.

Drove down to the lower falls and walked the trail in a loop twice in our new Jogging stroller (I am totally stoked that I got this stroller for $45 at a garage sale).

There were so many beautiful things to look at.

And by that time we were all pooped and ready to go home.

And it was good.

It was an afternoon of perfect moments. Even the time when the Zerker was crying on the way to the car before the walk because she wanted a bottle and had a dirty diaper. Her cries are getting so character-like. You would think she was experiencing a major life crisis whenever she decides that she desperately needs a bottle or changed right this instant....My 'oh no! mommy must fix it!' feelings are turning into holding back laughter because she seems so dramatic. Not that I want to hear it for long periods of time...but that doesn't happen too often.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Show and Tell - make something cool

Show and Tell
It is that time again. Time to sit in a circle with our legs crossed and see what our classmates have brought to share.

Children mentioned and sort of pictured.
A few weeks ago a friend pointed out a group of photos someone had on Flickr that were called MSCE or Make Something Cool Everyday.

This idea has been festering in the back of my mind...make something cool...make something cool...
if you read my most recent post, you know that I have been playing with Gimp and Inkscape. Gotta love free software (except that inkscape crashed on me like a gazillion times when making my show and tell picture).

I don't have the time, being a new momma and a working momma and a fur momma and a wifey momma and all that stuff, to make something cool EVERY day...but maybe I can make something cool every few here is one of my efforts...

I know it is sort of spooky. I love this picture of the Zerker...and I like making it a basis for something I like this....if you don't - s'alright - i still do! The album this is part of is where I will be keeping my MSC stuff...
i also thought maybe MSC would be a cool weekly sharing project with a mr linky and all...but I don't know if I am committed that much to sharing and there are so many good sharing projects out there...well I am just not sure...what do you all think?

Don't forget to see what the rest of class is sharing!

Thursday, April 23, 2009


I am listening to 'Eat, Pray, Love' during my commute right now. (I drive to the office three days a week, and it is 45 minutes I 'read' my books via my iPod on the way to and from...)
And I know it is so Oprah cliche...but hey, it is making me think, so that is good.

So back to the point...she references how places have a word that defines them, and goes on to say that people have a word that defines them. The word can change with what they are going through, but it should encompass the point of the journey they are on. While she is in Rome she is told by a friend that Rome's word is 'Sex.'

So this got me thinking about what my word is right now. My first thought was 'create,' but maybe it is 'kaleidoscope.'

I know that the first year of motherhood can be stressful. I understand that I need to be patient with myself. Over the past few months I have oscillated from deliriously happy to extremely unstable and worried. I know a lot has to do with hormones, but it is also just part of the transition.

I did go back to therapy - because I believe it is my responsibility to work through things rather than just suffering. I will not live like chicken little! The sky is NOT falling!

Still, I do not just wake up one morning and become a different person. It is a process. And at first it was making me kooky, then I suppose I started moving to the next phase. Oh, but I AM becoming a different person. Not entirely someone else...just more than who I was.

I like it.
Actually, I love it.

My job is moving into this new phase where I get to be uber creative. Okay, so it is uber geeky creative - but not in the 'look-at-this-cool-formula-i-built-in-excel' or the 'i-just-spent-35-hours-writing-specs-about-site-security' or the 'look-at-my-fancy-SQL-query' is a clean slate. It is starting at ground zero and designing something new.
I have spent all of my working life inside a box...a specific platform...going from supporting to training to implementing to managing that platform...but it has always been within that platform. There is creativity there, but mostly creativity with bandaids...doing what we can within the confines of what exists, the path of least resistance...

and now we are making a transition to get away from that box....and it is a paradigm shift for me...but it is fracking cool...

and oh the baby girl...the amazing Zerker...she makes me want to be creative...assuming a new role in life...becoming the momma...means i have to change my if I am changing, I had better know what stays and what goes...

reinvention of self...reclaiming what is me and adding to is awesome.

- I installed Gimp and Inkscape (Free photo editing and illustrating software) and am teaching myself how to use them.
- I played around with scrapblog one weekend (hence the new header for the blog).
- I made a new lanyard for my work ID badge out of girlie ribbon belts.
- I got some cool new shoes (they match my new lanyard - haha).
- I made a notebook by covering the binding of a scrapbook paper tablet with a brown paper bag and am using it to take notes at the office.
- I cut bangs in my hair! I have been thinking about this since december.
- I bought a bass guitar and I am learning to play it so I can play bass when I jam with some friends next month. I am a singer and I have 'talked' about getting a bass guitar for ten years. I had guitar lessons in college and used to play in church. My bachelors is in Math and Music...I am not getting any younger. I really want to do it. I think it would be k*ck*ss if I played bass and sang in a band. We will see if the band happens. We WILL jam though, and that will be fun.

All of these mods...I keep feeling like a Kaleidoscope. Like things are switching to a new cool view...they may change again..but I am holding the lense and watching things as they is beautiful.

The lense is my marriage. The lense is my daughter. The lense is my vocation.
And it shifts and it brings different colors. Not everything is easy, but it IS beautiful.

I keep thinking of this song:
My life has been a tapestry of rich and royal hue
An everlasting vision of the everchanging view
A wondrous woven magic in bits of blue and gold
A tapestry to feel and see, impossible to hold
Tapestry - Carole King

And I made this with Gimp....

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Hello my name is...

Hello ICLWers!
This is my first ICLW. It is pretty cool to get to know more bloggers.

As for a little bit about myself and where I am on the journey....

I am married - almost 4 years. I affectionately refer to DH as Nadie.

I have PCOS. We tried to concieve for three years, one of them with medical help before getting PG. I blogged during our TTC time at

We now have a 3.5 month old little girl. I call her the Zerker. She is freaking amazing.

This blog is about my life unfolding...assuming the role of a mother, loving and caring for my husband, moving into new areas of work, my relationships, spirituality, things i find interesting, basically whatever I feel like...welcome to my world!

Beebles is a nickname some of my friends gave me in college. My email address was bbell for a long time (until I got married and my name changed!) and it was way more fun to say beebles.

I have a post forming in my head about kaleidescopes and the space I am in right now...will try to post by the end of the week.

Now I gotta get to work...

Monday, April 20, 2009


Guess what the Zerker is totally into right now?

Perfect Moment Monday - Stars Shine Brighter

Lori says that Perfect Moment Monday is not about creating moments, but noticing them.

It is honoring the sacredness of these days we call life.

This memory of this moment struck me a few weeks ago, and I thought it would be best to write it down and share.

When I was a junior in college two of my friends came to my house for the first few days of spring break. The first night we went out into the field in front of my house and looked up at the stars.

The sky, in all it's magnificence, was full of twinkling little stars. I never really thought much about it. I mean, I grew up with those twinklers, so why would I think they were especially brilliant.

My friends though, being city-folk, they were amazed, befuddled, in awe, substitute any other word for amazement.

You see, I grew up in a cabin in the forest. It is on a hill in the middle of nowhere, where on a clear night you can see the night sky in its true form. I never thought much about it, I had never lived in a city at that point - even my college was out of the way. And when I visited city lights I was always in awe.

That night I realized that there are very few people that get to live with that brilliance on a daily basis. I need to get back to that brilliance. I need my daughter to know it too. I hope she knows it so well she takes it for granted too. I want nature to be, well, natural for her. No fear of bugs or dirt - just a part of life.

Appreciating what I had been giving all those nights in the 18 years I lived there - and really recognizing/understanding it - that was a perfect moment.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Show and Tell - Race for the Cure

Show and Tell
It is that time again.
Children mentioned and pictured.

Today was gorgeous here in Indiana - warm, bright, blue skies with white puffy clouds....and today was the Race for the Cure! We had a great time.

Race for the Cure benefits breast cancer research and treatment. The majority of the funds go to the area doing the benefit. We aren't quite at our goal, so if you feel like donating to a great cause, there is a link on the right side bar.

We ended up walking in the 1 mile family walk because Nadie was afraid that the Zerker would get too hot in the for 3.1 miles. They said we couldn't use strollers on the 5K. So we just walked the one mile. It was very fun. So much that when I suggested we go to an uber expensive restaurant for lunch, and Nadie asked if we won the lottery, I said that I felt like I did - not monetarily, but love-wise - yes - with him and the Zerker....

um...that was kind of is a video(i have great transitions)...

(sorry for the shaky camera - I don't usually walk and tape at the same time and I pretty much suck anyways :-) )

I have decided to embrace this as my year of Pink. I have been against pink for quite some time. I never really gave pink a chance. I thought - 'Pink is a stereotype for girlie things - and girlie things make you weak - so no pink for me or my baby' not so much. I bought a pair of shoes for me with pink in them. I am learning that Pink can be empowering. And Girls are girlie, but that doesn't make them weak! I can be girlie too....and I can still be strong.

After the walk the Zerker was very tired!

We went to Shapiro's Deli for some yummy food. I have dreams about their tangy german potato salad....

Go see what the rest of the class is sharing!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Welcome Delainey Marie

Delainey Marie was born at 1am on April 14, 2009. She was at 26 weeks one day gestational age. They were able to get two steroid injections to help her lungs to develop before delivery.

She is tiny at 1lb 12 ozs. She is already off of the respirator, but still on the CPAP. She is breathing room air.

We present to you - the Zerker's first BFF, the God Daughter of Nadie and I....

Delainey Marie....

Keep the prayers coming.

We have been waiting for this little girl, so anxious for the Zerker to meet her. We hope they become bestest of friends. They announced their pregnancy on Christmas eve and Nadie kept going on and on about how it better be a girl! Zerker's BFF is what we have called her since we found out she was a girl.

Being part of the ALI community helped prepare me for what to expect in this situation, but I know that my brother and SIL have a long road ahead of them. They are being very strong and I am proud of them. July seems like eons from now - but that is when we should expect to even think about bringing her home. Every day is precious....

We love you, Delainey! We can't wait to play with you!

Friday, April 10, 2009

Prayers Needed

My Sister-In-Law's water ruptured last night. She is 25 weeks 4 days pregnant with my little niece.
The MD told her to wait until this morning to come in, and when they did it was confirmed that she has lost much of her amniotic fluid.

They first sent her to Bloomington Hospital, then sent her via ambulance to St. Vincent's in Indy so that she is close to Riley Children's Hospital.

As far as I know they are keeping her on antibiotics and hospital bedrest for as long as possible.

Please pray (or however you practice faith/spiritualism) that our little niece can stay in the womb as long as possible and that she is strong.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Quarterly Review - Updated

Age: 3 Months

Physical Output:
Smiles all the time
Progressed from batting at toys to grabbing and pulling
Will hold toys while seated
Can almost sit up by herself, needs little support
Loves to stand with support
'Allegedly' rolled over - unconfirmed by momma or daddy :) - confirmed by momma and daddy on Friday!

Verbal Output:
began with 'uuuuuuuh'
progressed to long and loud oohs and ahs
will sing with momma
now has character like squeals of delight

Sleep Progression:
began at 1 - 2 hours between feedings
now will sleep up to 10 hours in the evening

Edible Input:
eats 4 - 6 ozs at a time...usually 4, but has eaten 6 when exceptionally hungry

Diaper Size: 1

Length: over 23.5 inches
Weight: probably about 12.5 lbs(I was way off on the 15 pounds!) - true amount unknown until 4 month dr visit
Net Operating Income: incalcuable

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Tuesday, April 7, 2009


I am so blessed.
When I was five years old I met C. Since then, well...she is my girl.
I don't think I have any other relationship like is unconditional Love....not just is unconditional totally awesomeness....I mean I feel so freaking blessed that there is someone I can talk to about anything and it doesn't matter what I say - they understand and I am before we get this wrong - my parents think I am WAY COOL....but C understands me...she and I...we are of the same vein...we are one...we didn't plan it, but we totally think the other person rocks...

C and I went to see Brandi Carlile tonight. I saw that she was coming into town and I had to go. I told her and she agreed to come, even though she doesn't even listen to you.

so, tonight nadie watched the zerker...
i almost backed out of it because i couldn't stand being away from the zerker...and nadie was going to take her and pick her up, but I couldn't NOT see her in the evening, so I picked the Zerker up, fed her and nadie came home and her...
and i went to a concert
it was awesome
it was brandi carlile
and i loved it
totally my music
but the wierdest thing....
for the past two weeks i have had a song in my head
i know for a fact that during my monday devel meeting i typed the words to 'creep' out on my blackberry during my notes....i really couldn't tell you why...i wasn't feeling outcasted...and i do love that song...but i even thought my need to expell the lyrics was wierd...i remember wanting to type it last week...and i was singing it this morning...i am pretty sure i can get the guy in the office next to me to vouch for me here....

and then she sang it....and i was totally weirded was fracking awesome...i really do feel like i was intuiting that she was going to perform it....i really had no fracking idea and was blown away

Another wierd thing...this past saturday a random thought about a girl that I went to school with came into my head. Specifically it I thought about her and her sister (who was older than us but really popular). I was not really great friends with her, but she popped into my head, along with her sister and their relationship for some random reason. Where am I going with this??? When I came back to my seat at the conference the group of people asked me if I was a 'INSERT MAIDEN NAME'...they were from my hometown (an hour and a half away)...and they recognized me. I looked over and the girl's sister was in the group of people. It was fracking crazy. Then C told me that she and her sister (C's sister) talked about the same sisters within the past month - these are people we barely have any connection to and don't really affect our lives. It is like we both had a premonition that we would be seeing that girl's sister at the concert....

it made me glad that i went...because i felt like i was supposed to go...i needed some C time...

Monday, April 6, 2009

Perfect Moment Monday

Lori@Weebles Wobble says, 'Perfect Moment Monday is more about noticing a perfect moment than about creating one. Perfect moments can be momentous or ordinary or somewhere in between.'

Check out what other people are sharing at her blog, and maybe share your own!

Here is a perfect moment for this rainy and cold Monday.

Children mentioned.

Our dogs are so sweet. They really do want to please us in every thing they do. Still, I know they need to feel valued and loved. They are really very great with the Zerker, they steer clear except to smell her. Er, well, sometimes Gus (the mini-aussie)will give her a quick lick. Also, I know Starbuck (the golden) has begun to recognize baby crying on television shows. He has wanted a kid for several years, and he always gives us this look when he sees them - like 'Can I have one of those, please?'

I don't think he has yet realized that the Zerker will be his best friend sooner than he knows it.

I am going to be honest here. I know they need more attention. We haven't been the best dog owners since the Zerker came along... and I am pretty sure we will get better at it...being able to care for the baby and the dogs and cats at the same time. Right now, though, they are probably not as content as they were before. They don't show it, of course, always uber excited to see us and ready to play.

This weekend I went and bought a brand new batch of tennis balls. I sat with the Zerker on the couch and tossed the ball across the room. For a little while Nadie held the zerker and she just watched the dogs go back and forth. She smiled and looked interested in their athleticism.

And that was a perfect the good boys some TLC and knowing they were having a fantastic time....

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Race for the Cure

Nadie, the Zerker and I will be walking in this years Indy Race for the Cure. If you feel compelled, we would SOOOO love it if you could donate a few bucks for the cause...

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Show and Tell - The Daffodil Fields

Show and Tell
It is that time again. Go see what everyone else is sharing!

Children mentioned and pictured.

There is a little observatory that is not too far from my home. It isn't really used for research anymore because the lights of the city take away from its effectiveness. Still, that isn't the reason I think it is so cool.

The observatory was funded by Dr. Goethe Link. He was an amateur astronomist. I guess he spent a lot of time at the observatory. So while he did all that sky watching his wife, Helen, was collecting and cultivating different types of daffodils. She was a botanist and former Vice-President of the American Daffodil Society. Who knew a whole society exists for daffodils???? Do they let Jonquil lovers into their group?

Anyways, back in the 80's the NYT did a story on her.

A path through the woods by the observatory leads to a field where her spoils continue to thrive. It is a bit of beauty and wonder in this messy world.
Daffodils are probably my favorite flower.
Today I took the Zerker there took pictures in her Easter dress.
It was beautiful.

'For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.'

William Wordsworth

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Writer's Workshop - Banging Toes

Check out Mama Kat to see what other's have to say.

In what ways are you turning into your mother?

Banging toes...
That is the first thing that comes to my mind...I am like my mother right now because there have been several times over the past year where I have banged my toe against a swing or toy or book or anything and pretty much think that I broke it. Right now my baby toe on my right foot is sore. I am sure I rammed against something a few days ago.

What does this have to do with my mother? Ever since I can remember my mom has had issues with keeping her toes in tact. Perhaps it was hard to keep toys out from under foot when she was taking care of nine kids. I can't count on my hands how many times she injured one of her ten little Indians....

I am sure there are other ways that I am like my mother. I hope I have her sense of humor, but I can't tell a joke like she can.

I wish I was as fertile as she was in her prime. She spent pretty much 16 years of her life being pregnant - with a few months in between. And with all of that experience I don't remember any time during my pregnancy when I felt like she was giving unwanted advice. Actually, I came to her with the no assvice even from the lady who had the background to give it.

I hope I am as good of a momma to my little girl as she was. I hope I dedicate my time to whatever the Zerker digs like she did for me.

And when I am done, I don't mind a few injured toes. :)

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

A year ago today

A year ago today my body began the cycle that produced my darling Zerker. We were heading into the unknown of our first medicated fertility cycle. What I feared would end up being just another April Fool's joke on me, ended up being the beginning of the best year of my life so far...

I am so excited to see how the rest of the years unfold!

And I am her fool....

In case I forget anything that happened over the past year I wanted to take a few quick notes....

• Being pregnant with the Zerker was a breeze.
• After the first month of scary RE-ness thinking that I was miscarrying or that she was ectopic, there was not a lot of issues.
• I didn't have much nausea.
• I WAS tired a lot.
• I generally felt OK until 30 weeks when my back broke down on me, but after I stopped working out I was fine.
• 37+weeks was not that big of a deal as far as being uncomfortable.
• I totally missed being able to roll over in bed and get up and down with ease.
• There was no need for all that worry about my water breaking - when it happens I will know - it smells different.
• Feeling her inside of me was amazing. Kicking - rolling - being goofy.
• Maybe next time (if I do have another kid) I won't be so worried and will be able to enjoy being pregnant more.
• Not being able to drink alcohol was not so bad. After a few months the thought of a beer or a glass of wine sounded disgusting. Now I don't even like drinking so much, and I am glad of that.

• Labor was not so bad. Not nearly as scary as I made it out to be. OK the part where they called for all the nurses on the floor to come and did an emergency insertion of the fetal monitor on her head was scary. The rest of it - not so much.
• Epidurals are nice.
• C-sections are OK and after 20 hours of labor - they are welcome.
• She is SOOOO worth it.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Perfect Moment Monday

Children mentioned...

I know this is a day late, but I was two days late on the Show and I am catching up!

I really like Perfect Moment Monday because it is about recognizing the good in our lives, the blessings we have been given. So many times we can move from one thing to another and really not sit back and realize how much we have been many perfect moments we have...

My perfect moment happened yesterday morning. On the days that I go into the office Nadie takes the Zerker to the fabulous caregiver. I pick her up. When he loads her into the car I have been tapping on the window to say goodbye. In her first months she would sit there oblivious, hearing the sound but not understanding that it came from someplace and that was right outside the door.

That changed yesterday. I tapped on the window. I tapped again. And to my surprise the little beauty turned her head and then saw Momma acting like a fool outside the window. It was perfect.

When I picked her up I did it again and she looked again. I also tapped from the driver's side window and saw her get a big smile and look wildly around her to try and figure out where the sound is coming from. She never saw me (I am not sure what her vision range is these days) but just the wonder of her looking and laughing was enough to warm my heart.

It is no small thing that they, who are so fresh from God, love us. Charles Dickens.

Now go find other perfect moments with Lori at Weebles Wobble and try to acknowledge the perfect moments of your own!

Monday, March 30, 2009

Show and Tell - Woods Ring

Show and Tell
Better late than never....I have been wanting to take part in Mel's Show and Tell for a while and I finally thought of something!

This past Saturday was Ring Day at SMWC. I left pieces of my heart at the woods. The Woods Ring is symbol of the bond between all of the women, from generation to generation that have been educated at Saint Mary of the Woods.

I found a post of the Ring Song on youtube from Saturday:

The Ring Song is an amalgamation of Tara's Theme, Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening and The Bells of Saint Mary's. It might sound strange to non-woodsies (that is what students from the woods are called) but it pulls at the heart strings of all Woodsies....It is sang at every wedding and every major event at the woods.
The ring is lovely, dark and is gold (and now I hear white gold is optional) and onyx with an SMW emblem.

My ring is tattered (NOT PICTURED ABOVE), it is loved, it is a connection to the people who helped me become is a connection forever to anyone I meet that also wears the ring...
We also joke that it is a symbol of the guiding forces of the providence...

Ah....but we jest!

To all my woodsies out there - Be strong! Wear your ring with pride!

The Ring Song

Whose Woods these are, I think I know.
Her love will always be with us below.
Her ring we take, of us a part,
Encircling fingers young 'round her heart.
I pledge to her, a ring to keep,
Like Woods is lovely, dark and deep.
And I have promises and miles to go.
And I have promises and miles to go.

The bells of Saint Mary's I hear they are calling,
The young loves, the true loves that come from the sea.
And so my beloved, when red leaves are falling,
the love bells shall ring out, ring out for you and me.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Watch out for the crazy bearded lady

Mommy Insomnia

Is there such a thing as mom-insomnia? If so, I think I have it. The zerker is sleeping pretty solidly from 9:30pm-ish to 5:30-6:30am-ish, I on the otherhand am waking up pretty much every hour. I know it is part fallout from waking up with her over the past three months and part from constantly feeling the need to make sure she is breathing, but it is going to have to give soon enough. I am sleeping, it is just not good sleep, and I wake up feeling tired still.

I haven't been working out like I should either. It is really hard to find a good time to get to the gym. I don't feel comfortable leaving her with the caretakers there, since we did that once and the caretaker consisted of one teenager standing in the midst of 15 screaming kids of all ages. Let's just say it was very hard for me to make it through the 25 minute walk on the treadmill watching the girl carry the zerker around admist chaos. I think it would have been fine if she had left her in the carrier. I am sure she thought 'Oohh! Cute baby! I must hold!', but scared me.

So I am looking forward to warmer weather so I can go to the park and walk in the mornings with Nadie, the Zerker and the dogs. The dogs will definitely appreciate it. The winter is so tough for them because they don't get near the excercise they need. Me too dogs, me too.... (notice adorable rainbow baby legs and fact that dog becomes baby couch...)

Fear and Loathing in My Head

And then I have this underlying sense of dread/unsteadiness/insecurity at the pit of my stomach. It isn't about anything in particular. We are doing ok, jobs, house, baby...all is fine and if it isn't i know we will get through that isn't the is bigger than that (if that is possible) a weight above me...I feel like chicken little and the sky is falling. When I get like this I end up muttering negative things about myself under my breath. And then I forcibly stop myself and mutter positive things to myself and look like a crazy lady. I already have the random hairs from PCOS, so I could be approaching the crazy bearded lady that pushes a cart down the street in a mumu.

At 4am this morning I thought three things...1. I need to work out. 2. I need to consider seeing that therapist again. 3. Maybe I would benefit from medication. It isn't affecting my job or my marriage or my kid, but I don't want to risk it. And, it is affecting my quality of life. And, I am so blessed...I really want to enjoy my blessings to the fullest. Ugh.


If Michigan State beats Louisville (they are playing right now) I could win my work pool. Nifty. I only picked Michigan State because: they were seeded No. 2, I didn't want to put all the no.1 seeds in the final four, and they are a Big Ten School. Go Spartans.


If you are regular reader of my blog you know that I love the elipse...well you might not have thought about it...but I do....and sometimes I will add an extra period in for good measure...

Zerker Update
This week Zerker was especially cute (well, she always is...but I am biased....) She has really started noticing her hands, so I went and got some dangling rings and a gym to over her. She already had one at her caregiver's house, but we didn't have one at home. She started with swatting and has already progressed to grabbing and pulling. I am so proud of her.

Also, the zerker is fantabulous about sleeping. I still really haven't put her on a schedule. I just listen for her cues. She definitely gives the cues and is content to be put in her carrier with a pacifier and her blanket where she soothes herself to sleep.

She is such a smiley happy baby. I am so amazed by her. We went to a baby shower this weekend for one of my college friends(It was GREAT to see everyone and I am so excited for the newbie on its way!) and she was happy to be passed long as the people passing didn't mind a little spitup here and there...

Oh the little monkey....:)

PS notice that I changed my blogger profile name and picture...if you are used to me commenting on your blogs I will show up as beebles is a nickname from college...

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

in Just-

in Just-
by e e cummings

in Just-
spring when the world is mud-
luscious the little
lame balloonman

whistles far and wee

and eddieandbill come
running from marbles and
piracies and it's

when the world is puddle-wonderful

the queer
old balloonman whistles
far and wee
and bettyandisbel come dancing

from hop-scotch and jump-rope and




balloonMan whistles

Monday, March 23, 2009

Perfect Moment Monday

Perfect Moment Monday

Child mentioned.....

I have never done this before, so bare with me if I do it wrong. Sorry!

The perfect moment that I want to discuss was a collection of moments last wednesday. Last Wednesday was the first day that I felt completely productive working from home since I returned from maternity leave. I work from home with my little zerker two days a week. For the first two weeks it felt like I just couldn't focus. I think it had to do with being home for two months and not associating what I do at home with what I do at work. I was used to watching Ellen at 11am, not being on a conference call! And how could I do research online when there are so many blogs to keep up with! I was starting to get worried - because I really want to be productive when I am at home so I do not loose the opportunity to do it...if I am not productive then I would have to admit that I needed to be in the office and loose the privilege...

I had been working on a specifications document for a few weeks and it was the first day when I finally felt like it clicked...that I was able to focus on what I get paid to do. And what made it even more perfect was that my little girl was there cooing and babbling and sleeping the whole time.
It helped me to feel more like myself, or more like my old self pre-zerker...but that isn't quite right helped me feel more like this new person I am becoming. This new person that does all sorts of cool things and gets to share it with the coolest little person she has ever met and her wonderful husband...
I never realized I had formed opinions about what a mommy was. We wanted a child so badly, but we were so focused on getting pregnant that I didn't think a lot about what having a kid would do to my sense of self. And then when we finally got pregnant, I started really thinking about it. It was hard for me to see myself as a mommy...

Now I see myself as a mommy, but not as my stereotype of a mommy. I see myself as the mother I really am...and i think it is k*ck*ss. (not so mommy-like talk

and it includes someone who writes k*ck*ss technical specifications while changing diapers and making a baby babble and coo...

and that was my perfect moment...

I know my sense of self will continue to change, and that I will sometimes be overwhelmed with all there is in the world, as long as I get a few smiles and giggles, I think I will be alright.