Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Perfect Moment Monday

Children mentioned...

I know this is a day late, but I was two days late on the Show and Tell...so I am catching up!

I really like Perfect Moment Monday because it is about recognizing the good in our lives, the blessings we have been given. So many times we can move from one thing to another and really not sit back and realize how much we have been given...how many perfect moments we have...

My perfect moment happened yesterday morning. On the days that I go into the office Nadie takes the Zerker to the fabulous caregiver. I pick her up. When he loads her into the car I have been tapping on the window to say goodbye. In her first months she would sit there oblivious, hearing the sound but not understanding that it came from someplace and that was right outside the door.

That changed yesterday. I tapped on the window. I tapped again. And to my surprise the little beauty turned her head and then saw Momma acting like a fool outside the window. It was perfect.

When I picked her up I did it again and she looked again. I also tapped from the driver's side window and saw her get a big smile and look wildly around her to try and figure out where the sound is coming from. She never saw me (I am not sure what her vision range is these days) but just the wonder of her looking and laughing was enough to warm my heart.

It is no small thing that they, who are so fresh from God, love us. Charles Dickens.

Now go find other perfect moments with Lori at Weebles Wobble and try to acknowledge the perfect moments of your own!

Monday, March 30, 2009

Show and Tell - Woods Ring

Show and Tell
Better late than never....I have been wanting to take part in Mel's Show and Tell for a while and I finally thought of something!

This past Saturday was Ring Day at SMWC. I left pieces of my heart at the woods. The Woods Ring is symbol of the bond between all of the women, from generation to generation that have been educated at Saint Mary of the Woods.

I found a post of the Ring Song on youtube from Saturday:

The Ring Song is an amalgamation of Tara's Theme, Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening and The Bells of Saint Mary's. It might sound strange to non-woodsies (that is what students from the woods are called) but it pulls at the heart strings of all Woodsies....It is sang at every wedding and every major event at the woods.
The ring is lovely, dark and deep....it is gold (and now I hear white gold is optional) and onyx with an SMW emblem.

My ring is tattered (NOT PICTURED ABOVE), it is loved, it is a connection to the people who helped me become me...it is a connection forever to anyone I meet that also wears the ring...
We also joke that it is a symbol of the guiding forces of the world...er... providence...

Ah....but we jest!

To all my woodsies out there - Be strong! Wear your ring with pride!

The Ring Song

Whose Woods these are, I think I know.
Her love will always be with us below.
Her ring we take, of us a part,
Encircling fingers young 'round her heart.
I pledge to her, a ring to keep,
Like Woods is lovely, dark and deep.
And I have promises and miles to go.
And I have promises and miles to go.

The bells of Saint Mary's I hear they are calling,
The young loves, the true loves that come from the sea.
And so my beloved, when red leaves are falling,
the love bells shall ring out, ring out for you and me.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Watch out for the crazy bearded lady

Mommy Insomnia

Is there such a thing as mom-insomnia? If so, I think I have it. The zerker is sleeping pretty solidly from 9:30pm-ish to 5:30-6:30am-ish, I on the otherhand am waking up pretty much every hour. I know it is part fallout from waking up with her over the past three months and part from constantly feeling the need to make sure she is breathing, but it is going to have to give soon enough. I am sleeping, it is just not good sleep, and I wake up feeling tired still.

I haven't been working out like I should either. It is really hard to find a good time to get to the gym. I don't feel comfortable leaving her with the caretakers there, since we did that once and the caretaker consisted of one teenager standing in the midst of 15 screaming kids of all ages. Let's just say it was very hard for me to make it through the 25 minute walk on the treadmill watching the girl carry the zerker around admist chaos. I think it would have been fine if she had left her in the carrier. I am sure she thought 'Oohh! Cute baby! I must hold!', but um...it scared me.

So I am looking forward to warmer weather so I can go to the park and walk in the mornings with Nadie, the Zerker and the dogs. The dogs will definitely appreciate it. The winter is so tough for them because they don't get near the excercise they need. Me too dogs, me too.... (notice adorable rainbow baby legs and fact that dog becomes baby couch...)

Fear and Loathing in My Head

And then I have this underlying sense of dread/unsteadiness/insecurity at the pit of my stomach. It isn't about anything in particular. We are doing ok, jobs, house, baby...all is fine and if it isn't i know we will get through whatever...so that isn't the stress....it is bigger than that (if that is possible)...like a weight above me...I feel like chicken little and the sky is falling. When I get like this I end up muttering negative things about myself under my breath. And then I forcibly stop myself and mutter positive things to myself and look like a crazy lady. I already have the random hairs from PCOS, so I could be approaching the crazy bearded lady that pushes a cart down the street in a mumu.

At 4am this morning I thought three things...1. I need to work out. 2. I need to consider seeing that therapist again. 3. Maybe I would benefit from medication. It isn't affecting my job or my marriage or my kid, but I don't want to risk it. And, it is affecting my quality of life. And, I am so blessed...I really want to enjoy my blessings to the fullest. Ugh.


If Michigan State beats Louisville (they are playing right now) I could win my work pool. Nifty. I only picked Michigan State because: they were seeded No. 2, I didn't want to put all the no.1 seeds in the final four, and they are a Big Ten School. Go Spartans.


If you are regular reader of my blog you know that I love the elipse...well you might not have thought about it...but I do....and sometimes I will add an extra period in for good measure...

Zerker Update
This week Zerker was especially cute (well, she always is...but I am biased....) She has really started noticing her hands, so I went and got some dangling rings and a gym to over her. She already had one at her caregiver's house, but we didn't have one at home. She started with swatting and has already progressed to grabbing and pulling. I am so proud of her.

Also, the zerker is fantabulous about sleeping. I still really haven't put her on a schedule. I just listen for her cues. She definitely gives the cues and is content to be put in her carrier with a pacifier and her blanket where she soothes herself to sleep.

She is such a smiley happy baby. I am so amazed by her. We went to a baby shower this weekend for one of my college friends(It was GREAT to see everyone and I am so excited for the newbie on its way!) and she was happy to be passed along...as long as the people passing didn't mind a little spitup here and there...

Oh the little monkey....:)

PS notice that I changed my blogger profile name and picture...if you are used to me commenting on your blogs I will show up as beebles now....it is a nickname from college...

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

in Just-

in Just-
by e e cummings

in Just-
spring when the world is mud-
luscious the little
lame balloonman

whistles far and wee

and eddieandbill come
running from marbles and
piracies and it's

when the world is puddle-wonderful

the queer
old balloonman whistles
far and wee
and bettyandisbel come dancing

from hop-scotch and jump-rope and




balloonMan whistles

Monday, March 23, 2009

Perfect Moment Monday

Perfect Moment Monday

Child mentioned.....

I have never done this before, so bare with me if I do it wrong. Sorry!

The perfect moment that I want to discuss was a collection of moments last wednesday. Last Wednesday was the first day that I felt completely productive working from home since I returned from maternity leave. I work from home with my little zerker two days a week. For the first two weeks it felt like I just couldn't focus. I think it had to do with being home for two months and not associating what I do at home with what I do at work. I was used to watching Ellen at 11am, not being on a conference call! And how could I do research online when there are so many blogs to keep up with! I was starting to get worried - because I really want to be productive when I am at home so I do not loose the opportunity to do it...if I am not productive then I would have to admit that I needed to be in the office and loose the privilege...

I had been working on a specifications document for a few weeks and it was the first day when I finally felt like it clicked...that I was able to focus on what I get paid to do. And what made it even more perfect was that my little girl was there cooing and babbling and sleeping the whole time.
It helped me to feel more like myself, or more like my old self pre-zerker...but that isn't quite right either...it helped me feel more like this new person I am becoming. This new person that does all sorts of cool things and gets to share it with the coolest little person she has ever met and her wonderful husband...
I never realized I had formed opinions about what a mommy was. We wanted a child so badly, but we were so focused on getting pregnant that I didn't think a lot about what having a kid would do to my sense of self. And then when we finally got pregnant, I started really thinking about it. It was hard for me to see myself as a mommy...

Now I see myself as a mommy, but not as my stereotype of a mommy. I see myself as the mother I really am...and i think it is k*ck*ss. (not so mommy-like talk there....lol)

and it includes someone who writes k*ck*ss technical specifications while changing diapers and making a baby babble and coo...

and that was my perfect moment...

I know my sense of self will continue to change, and that I will sometimes be overwhelmed with all there is in the world, as long as I get a few smiles and giggles, I think I will be alright.

my song....

I think about blog posts that I don't end up writing.
Most of the time I use this as a place to keep track of what is going on around my life. I rarely write about my insecurities or things that don't paint things as sunny and bright.
And, that probably won't change too much...some of the things I could say I hardly want to admit to myself, let alone the world...and then if I said it I would wonder if that made it more true...

like marriage for instance....it is hard, but totally worth it...so every day is not perfect and right now is a pretty stressful time, well with the economy, and job worries, and the new baby and all the day-to-day stuff....and most of the time nadie and i are great, but there are times when it gets rough...for both of us, and it doesn't mean we aren't great - it is just real- that is all...

and my insecurities...god i wish i would outgrow them...i usually outsmart them, or just let them pass...but they are hard....they make me a crank to deal with - some days walking on eggshells somedays easy going...i know it is probably normal...and i don't want to take some pill to become less emotional - although i know many people are helped greatly by taking medications - i just know that for me it isn't necessary right now...if i reached that stage I would consider it...well anyways that is not where i am...i am alright - just being me...:)

Everything I do
Surrounds these pieces of my life
That always change
Or hey, maybe I’ve changed

Sometimes being happy
Can be self-destructive
Even when you’re sane
Yeah you’re only insane

have a great week, y'all!

Friday, March 20, 2009

Search for Cavil...the End

Tonight one of my favorite TV shows of all time ends...the newer version of Battlestar Galactica. Nadie and I have enjoyed it since the second season. That is when I convinced him before it started to purchase the first season on DVD. Then we did a marathon weekend of learning about the Cylon/Human war and the search for a new place for humans to live.
If you don't watch it, try it out via netflix or something. It is so much more than a sci-fi tv show. It is a mix of mythology/theology/sci-fi/romance/etc.

After tonight the only thing that will come is re-runs and maybe a mini-series, spin-off, or movie - I have no idea if any of these will happen, but a girl can hope, can't she?

I ate ramen noodles today for the first time in ten years. I now remember why I haven't eaten ramen noodles in ten years.

This week was great. I finally feel like I am really getting back into work. I was able to dig in and work really well both work from home days with the Zerker. She was not worse for the wear (except I did forget to nurse the second time on the day when I was working 12 hours to get a document done....oops).

After taking several videos, this is my favorite...Zerker loves her blankey...she puts herself to sleep with it every night....

And Nana...here is a few pictures of the zerker wearing the 0-3 month outfit you sent from FL....too cute!

DMB Rocks...

I purchased lawn tickets to DMB 08.01 this morning....so.excited......

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Kiss me, I'm Irish!

I am VERY irish. Both of my parents were mostly from Ireland, with a few Italian exceptions here and there.....
So Happy St. Patricks Day!
We celebrated with Bangers and Mash because I forgot to buy Corned Beef. Nadie doesn't really like corned beef anyways...so this was a nice switchup.

I also forgot to dress the Zerker in her cute St. Patty's Outfit I bought a month ago. I put it on her tonight and took some pictures. Without further ado....

Ha Ha Mom! I don't want a beer!

You could give me a green bottle....

When Irish eyes are smiling...it's like a morn in spring...

I'll give Darby O'Gill a run for his money!

Where was that pot o'gold?

My Guiness, My Goodness!

Come on and kiss me, I'm Irish!

I know the captions are cheesy...:)
Happy St. Patricks Day! Luck of the Irish to you!

May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
May the rains fall soft upon your fields,
And, until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.

Welcome to the Fam :)

When I went on facebook this morning I saw wonderful pictures of a baby boy. It turns out my cousin and his wife are the proud parents of a new little one via domestic adoption!

Yay! I am so happy for them. I know they have prayed for a child for a long time and I am so glad they have welcomed this new prince into their lives.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Now all we need is a transporter...

I have been saying ever since I saw the movie Minority Report that I wanted to have access to that kind of technology. I want to have information at my fingertips for anything I need. And I don't just mean like my blackberry (although I do love my berry)...
A friend pointed out to me that we have the technology and it is coming soon! Yay!
Check out this video...

Now we need to build a transporter so that we don't have to waste time getting from one place to the next. Although, I think I might miss the journey...

Friday, March 13, 2009

Go way! Aws Seeping!

Before I get started...I just need to say that I am so very glad that Nadie and I did whatever it took to have the Zerker. She amazes me every day. I can't believe I am so blessed.

Now back to your regularly schedule programming.

Working from home is going well. I find that usually it isn't the Zerker that distracts me, it is other things like, oh, Ellen at 11am and the internet. I am getting back into the swing of things. I think Zerker enjoys those days. She definitely prefers being able to nurse whenever.

Speaking of BFing, um, I don't know that I ever mentioned how it ended up. After seeing the Lactation consultant many times and trying reglan and fenugreek, and doing the whole nurse/supplement/pump thing, it just didn't seem to be working. I never got more than an ounce at a time in pumping. I am guessing the lil one wasn't ever getting full after the second week either. So these days I nurse really just to try and give her as much of the good stuff (antibodies, etc) to keep her from getting sick, but she is really bottle fed when it comes down to it. We still bond through nursing once in the morning and a few times at night. It is so sweet to see her big smile when she realizes we are going to nurse, especially after I pick her up from child care. She looks up like, 'I have been waiting for this all day!' I wish I could give her more so that she actually gets full, but I can't stress about it.

Nana and Papa were crazy about the video. Since they left for FL the week after she was born, they have had to live as grandparents vicariously through the internet. All of the Zerker's grandpeople are in FL. We are hoping to take a trip there soon. Nana and Papa will be back in May, but she will be so different by then. It makes me sad (and my mom too) that they are missing this cute time.

Zerker is doing so well at sleeping. She needs to eat either at midnight or 4am. It depends on the day as to which it is. Last night I fed her at 10pm and she didn't wake up until 5am. I know these things will change, but it is good right now. Also, she sleeps in her carseat, and I think that is going to have to change soon. We need to get her adjusted to her crib. I got a wedge pillow to keep her elevated, but it won't be nearly like her carseat. She always spits up all over the place when she is laying on her back. It doesn't seem to bother her, but I know she is much more comfortable elevated. Maybe we will also put a book under the edge of the crib.

Since Zerker has decided to start babbling up a storm, we felt it only necessary to record these things for posterity..So, last weekend we bought a new camcorder. I was going to pick up a flip mino, but we decided to get one of these instead. It is super easy to use. I can copy the videos over to youtube in a snap and the video is stored on an SD card so it is expandable. I bought an 8Gig one for now. Hence you will be seeing little vids on here every now and then.

Two of the sweetest things this week...
1. yesterday she woke up with a dirty diaper at 4am. I changed her and fed her a bottle. SHe went back to sleep. Around 730am I brought her into the bed with us fora bit. She was zonked out. When she is like taht she seems most like a baby doll. She stretches her arms and makes this face like her cheeks are pouting and her lips are stretching too. All I could think was that she wanted to say 'Go way! Aws Seeping!' just like the LOLcats. too. cute.

2. This morning when I put her back to sleep after a 5am bottle she was actually making her car seat rock...she was rocking herself to sleep. SHe has this thing where she takes her blanket and kneads it in her hand. She pulls the blanket up to her head. Now she is finding her feet and I think that is why she was getting the seat to rock....kneading with her toes....the lil rockstar....:) lol

Tomorrow night my sister is going to watch the Zerker while Nadie and I go out to celebrate St. Pattys day. We are spending the night at my sister's house in B-town. I am so excited. I haven't been out on the town in over a year. I am going to have a half-yard of Smithwicks I think. Woot woot!

PS Why does the lullabye station think babies are into Kenny G?

This is for Nana....

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Movie Star


Last night I stayed after work a bit to hang with a few friends. This means nadie picked up the Zerker. I really only got home thirty minutes later than usual, but I still had a bit of down time with other adults.

One of my co-workers actually asked me if I was considering putting the Zerker in pageants. She asked this not because she wanted me to, but because seh was worried that I would because she knew I was in pageants when I was a kid.

I was in maybe three pageants, and when I did them I was older, and it was mostly so I could be in the talent portion.

I consider myself a feminist. I am NOT a fan of pageants. I don't think people do them just for the experience and the scholarships. I think that is an excuse to dress up a pretty girl and make her prance around. I think the girls that I met in pageants were fake, their moms were fake, and the judges were fake too. I can't say if that made me fake too. I don't begrudge my mother for putting me in them, it was something we tried and decided it wasn't for us.

My mom started me in dance and gymnastics lessons when I was three. I started voice lessons when I was five. I performed in talent competitions from five until 18. Dancing was a way of life, learning discipline, fitness, skill, artistic sense....it ended up being a good experience for me. It was tough at times, probably a little more pressure than I would have chosen, but I definitely grew from the experience.

I also did community theater. That was super fun.

So, when my co-worker asked me, of course, I said, um, no...she ain't gonna be in no pageants...(I said it just like that! Then I went to the bathroom and teased my hair to make it bigger...LOL)...and she isn't going to wear makeup. I told Nadie that I would be prohibitting her from wearing makeup until she has to sneak around and put it on in the bathroom at school.

When I got home I started to think maybe I was taking too many pictures of the Zerker. I love capturing how she grows. She is beautiful. I know I am biased, but I am amazed at her physical beauty. Of course, I am not really the person to judge. But that physical beauty is not the reason I am taking so many pictures. I want to capture her smile over and over again. I love her different expressions, and how she can convey different things without being able to communicate verbally. I enjoyed taking pictures before, she is now my favorite subject.

Perhaps this is coming across as vanity.

I don't know what things we will get her involved in. It really depends on what she wants. I will let her try different things out.

Nadie hopes she is into Math and Science. I think that would be cool. We want to foster education for her so that she thinks learning is fun. The years to come will be so exciting.

In other news, I have been having trouble sleeping. The night before last I just kept staring at the clock until after 3am. And, before that I had been waking up every hour. I think it is from the transition of being up with her to listening to her throughout the night. Ugh. I don't think I can manage much more. Last night I finally slept well, and the Zerker went to sleep around the same time with me. Bliss.

---no pictures today....:)

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Her First Blue Gingham Jumper

I took some pictures of the Zerker in her first Blue Gingham Jumper. It is actually way too big on her, but I could't resist...

From 2 Months

She is two months tomorrow...here is a little video to celebrate...

Friday, March 6, 2009

Zerker's 2 Month Immunizations

Zerker just got her two month shots. Of course, I hated seeing her in pain, but I told her it was for her own good and that she wouldn't remember it. She screamed like a banshee. Her face was so sad! She seemed surprised that anyone would ever hurt her and wondering what she could have done to deserve such horrible treatment!
The doc said it would have been fine to give her Tylenol before the shot. I didn't before we left because I figured I should wait to see how she reacts. So the nurse gave me some sample Tylenol and we gave her about 20 minutes before the shots. It didn't make it any easier, but perhaps it made it easier after we got to the car. She seemed sort of like a zombie and I was frightened that my grinning Zerker was gone!

She is pretty much in the 50th percentile on everything. She weighed in at 10 pounds 12 ounces and 23 inches. So she has gained 3 lbs 13 ozs and 4 inches in two months. A healthy baby girl....sigh of relief...

She smiles all the time and there is just the beginning of laughter...we won't call it the real thing until we hear her rip a whole round of giggles. :)

Once she got home she did seem in better spirits....

(Hard to resist, right? Sometimes I have to just pause for a moment to realize how freaking beautiful she is, just take every sip of her in...and that came from me and nadie??? Crazy!)

She is sleeping right now, and when she wakes I am going to give her another round of Tylenol. She can't tell me if she is feeling blah, and I would rather err on the side of caution.

I know there are parents out there against immunizations. Personally, I would never live with myself if Zerker got sick from something that was preventable. I do not believe that random the studies you read saying that they are harmful are correct. I have read studies using 'online surveys' to gather their information and then posting on supposedly reputable sites. I will not be responsible for allowing polio to resurge in our country. I think refraining from vaccinating your kid is somewhat irresponsible, not only to your child's safety - but to the rest of the people around you. I do understand being hesitant and wanting to make sure you do what is best for your kid, but it is so easy to jump to incorrect conclusions. Anyways, it is just an opinion, and I don't care to judge anyone.

Have a good weekend, my internet friends. I am hoping to get some outdoor time with Nadie, the Zerker and the dogs tomorrow since it will be in the 70s. She has never been out longer than to get to the car and back and the dogs are in desperate need of some running time. WOOT WOOT

And I am sure I will be bright eyed and bushy tailed on sunday morning when the Zerker wakes at 4am instead of 5am because we have to spring the clock forward. Ugh...

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Not in Kansas Anymore

This is the inaugural post of the BGJ blog!

I started blogging during our primary struggle with infertility. Since we now have a healthy seven week old little girl, I think it is time to move on to a blog that is not geared specifically to one aspect of my life. When we try for #2, I may go back to the old blog....until then this is where we roll.

My goal is to NOT make this blog a specific type of blog - like a family blog or a mommy blog or an infertility blog...this is a place where I can say what is going on in my life. It will include information about my little girl, my hubby, my job, and pretty much any part of my life....

So here we have the Blue Gingham Jumpers blog! A BGJ is what Dorothy wore in the Wizard of Oz. I have had a connection to Dorothy Gale and the Oz stories since I was a little girl. I sang 'Somewhere over the Rainbow' in a blue gingham jumper when I was seven. I was in the WOZ as a munchkin when I was six, a munchkin and a poppy when I was ten, the scarecrow and the student director when I was fourteen, and finally Dorothy in the Wiz in college....

Today is important. I have turned over a new leaf, or perhaps old leaf. I have begun excercising again. I have sworn off some of the bad things that I took back up. I am embarrassed that I was even doing them. I am going to try with all my heart to become someone that my daughter will be proud of....and someone that will be here for a long time to enjoy life with my Zerker (Daughter) and Nadie (hubby).