Wednesday, March 11, 2009


Last night I stayed after work a bit to hang with a few friends. This means nadie picked up the Zerker. I really only got home thirty minutes later than usual, but I still had a bit of down time with other adults.

One of my co-workers actually asked me if I was considering putting the Zerker in pageants. She asked this not because she wanted me to, but because seh was worried that I would because she knew I was in pageants when I was a kid.

I was in maybe three pageants, and when I did them I was older, and it was mostly so I could be in the talent portion.

I consider myself a feminist. I am NOT a fan of pageants. I don't think people do them just for the experience and the scholarships. I think that is an excuse to dress up a pretty girl and make her prance around. I think the girls that I met in pageants were fake, their moms were fake, and the judges were fake too. I can't say if that made me fake too. I don't begrudge my mother for putting me in them, it was something we tried and decided it wasn't for us.

My mom started me in dance and gymnastics lessons when I was three. I started voice lessons when I was five. I performed in talent competitions from five until 18. Dancing was a way of life, learning discipline, fitness, skill, artistic ended up being a good experience for me. It was tough at times, probably a little more pressure than I would have chosen, but I definitely grew from the experience.

I also did community theater. That was super fun.

So, when my co-worker asked me, of course, I said, um, no...she ain't gonna be in no pageants...(I said it just like that! Then I went to the bathroom and teased my hair to make it bigger...LOL)...and she isn't going to wear makeup. I told Nadie that I would be prohibitting her from wearing makeup until she has to sneak around and put it on in the bathroom at school.

When I got home I started to think maybe I was taking too many pictures of the Zerker. I love capturing how she grows. She is beautiful. I know I am biased, but I am amazed at her physical beauty. Of course, I am not really the person to judge. But that physical beauty is not the reason I am taking so many pictures. I want to capture her smile over and over again. I love her different expressions, and how she can convey different things without being able to communicate verbally. I enjoyed taking pictures before, she is now my favorite subject.

Perhaps this is coming across as vanity.

I don't know what things we will get her involved in. It really depends on what she wants. I will let her try different things out.

Nadie hopes she is into Math and Science. I think that would be cool. We want to foster education for her so that she thinks learning is fun. The years to come will be so exciting.

In other news, I have been having trouble sleeping. The night before last I just kept staring at the clock until after 3am. And, before that I had been waking up every hour. I think it is from the transition of being up with her to listening to her throughout the night. Ugh. I don't think I can manage much more. Last night I finally slept well, and the Zerker went to sleep around the same time with me. Bliss.

---no pictures today....:)

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